We Made These Memories For Ourselves
by lifelesswordscarryon
Summary: Post season 3. Barry finds a video of Iris while he's going through his photos. It's dated May 23, 2017. / Spoilers for 3x22.


**A/N:** I'm still mostly a mess from the latest episode. But here's this anyway. It's set in the [near] future, a few months after everything has settled down.

MAJOR SPOILERS for everything up to 3x22. You've been warned. (This also goes off the theories/spoilers that indicate Iris isn't dead.)

* * *

 _Storage Almost Full._

Barry sighs. He swears that no matter how often he reorganizes his phone and deletes things off of it, it always seems to fill up again right away. Iris keeps insisting that he upgrade and get a phone with more storage, but he refuses. _("You're really stubborn sometimes, you know," she'd said.)_

After scrolling through his apps, he decides he can't spare any of them, although Iris would beg to differ.

 _("Barry, you never use Instagram."_

" _There's an app for speedsters? Isn't that a little risky?"_

" _A Big Belly Burger app? Really?")_

He begins to scroll through his photos instead. Photos of the team. Photos of Joe and Wally. Photos of Iris. (Candid photos of Iris are his favorite.)

—

Photos from the time they went to see _Hamilton_. Iris had gotten a new dress for the occasion, and it was… distracting to say the least.

 _("Barry," she'd said between kisses, "Barry, I need to finish getting ready. We're going to be late."_

" _Just a couple more minutes," he'd said, his hand going to the zipper on her dress and his mouth trailing a path of kisses down her neck. "Your dad and Cecile aren't even here yet —"_

 _And then the doorbell rang.)_

—

Photos and videos of Iris' birthday earlier that year. Barry had gone all out, throwing her a big party.

 _("Barry, it's only my 28th birthday, it's not a big deal," she'd said._

 _"Every new year with you is a big deal," he'd replied._

 _It remained unspoken, but they both knew what he really meant. This wasn't just a regular celebration. This was an "I'm glad you're still alive for this birthday" celebration._

 _But she'd just smiled and kissed him anyway.)_

—

Photos of McSnurtle. Wally liked to poke fun at him for that.

 _("I've heard of people being obsessed with their pets. But the turtle? Really?")_

—

Photos and videos of… himself? Yeah, Cisco wouldn't let him live that one down.

 _("So when it took you longer to get to STAR Labs the other day, it's because you were distracted, playing with Snapchat filters?")_

—

Barry scrolls back farther, through the summer, into the spring. He stops at a video of Iris and presses play.

" _Hi Barry. There's something that I need to say to you."_

He checks the date on it. May 23rd. _Oh._

" _I love you. And if something happens, I need you to hear this."_

This was it. This was _the_ video. The one he'd seen on that night, some months ago. The one he hadn't been able to bring himself to watch.

" _I, Iris Ann West, take you, Bartholomew Henry Allen, to be my lawfully wedded husband."_

Barry feels his breath catch in his throat.

" _To have and to hold, from this day forward. In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish."_

He doesn't even notice the tear in his eye until it rolls down his cheek.

" _Until death do us part."_

The video ends, and memories flash through Barry's head. Memories that he'd tried hard to suppress. Memories that plague his mind more often than he'll ever admit to Iris. Memories of what could've been, what almost was.

Hearing she'd been taken. Seeing Savitar holding her in front of him. Watching the blade go through her chest. Holding her in his arms as she took her last breath —

 _It wasn't her,_ he tells himself. _She's still alive._

But it could've been. It could've really been her. He almost lost her. Almost —

The sound of keys in the front door registers somewhere in the back of Barry's mind.

"Babe?" Iris says as she shuts the door behind her, kicking off her shoes.

"Hey," he clears his throat, wiping his face and turning to face her slightly from his position on the couch, "How was your day?"

 _Hi Barry._

"Ugh. Exhausting," she says, walking over to him, "I mean, work was pretty uneventful. But wedding planning? Seriously, elopement suddenly sounds appealing."

 _If something happens…_

Barry lets out a small laugh, "Whatever you want."

Iris raises her eyebrows, "Really? That's it?"

 _I, Iris Ann West…_

He shrugs lightly and offers what he hopes is a reassuring smile. She sits down next to him, giving him a soft kiss.

 _Take you, Bartholomew Henry Allen…_

He wraps his arm around her, pulling her into him more, trying to push the video out of his mind.

 _Until death do us part._

She leans her head back, looking him in the eyes. "Babe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just…" he trails off when she gives him the look. The look that reminds him that she knows him better than anyone else and that she knows when he's not okay. _("Also, you kinda suck at hiding your emotions," she'd said once.)_

Barry sighs, picking up his phone again and unlocking it. It's still on the video. He turns the screen so she can see it.

"I was going through my photos and… I'd forgotten about this, I guess," he says.

"Yeah, I think I almost forgot that I'd made it," she says after a moment, a sad smile crossing her face. "Did you watch it before?"

He shakes his head, "Not until now. I saw it, that night. But I couldn't bring myself to watch it. We didn't even know that you were still alive yet."

A moment passes before either of them speak again.

"Hey," Iris says softly, putting one hand on Barry's cheek, turning his face towards her, "I'm right here, Barry. I'm okay."

With her other hand she takes his hand and places it over her heart.

"It's still beating," she says, mirroring a moment from what seems like decades ago, "You saved me."

For a moment he wants to reply that he almost didn't.

That she _almost_ did really die. (If it had really been her…)

That he _almost_ wasn't fast enough. (He _wasn't_ fast enough the first time.)

That they _almost_ lost each other. (And they did lose each other momentarily.)

Almost, almost, _almost_.

But instead he smiles softly, and she does the same.

"I love you," he says, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to her lips.

"I know. And I love you," she replies. She takes his phone out of his hands, pressing the delete symbol under the video, before setting it on the coffee table. "And the next time I say those vows, I'll be standing in front of you in a wedding dress."

He smiles fully at that thought, "I look forward to that."

"Good," she says, kissing him again. "Speaking of wedding dresses, I think I may have found one."

"Oh, really?" he says, wrapping his arm around her again.

"Well, I mean, I think I've narrowed it down to about three different options. Okay, maybe four," she says. "But one of them is definitely the one."

Barry chuckles, relaxing back into the cushion behind him. And as he listens to his fiancée ramble on about dresses and flowers and wedding plans, he decides that the 'almosts' and 'what-ifs' of the past pale in comparison to the guarantee of a future with her anyway.


End file.
